Friday Funny #677
Signs
Unusual Problem
Thanks Chad
A Triumph bike rider walked into a chemist shop in Brisbane and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The middle-aged woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist available and that as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there.
She then asked if she could help him. The biker said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The biker then agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”
The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is:
1/3 ownership in the shop,
A company car,
Five home-cooked dinners a week,
And $3,000 a month in living expenses.”
Nursing
The Nursing Catch-22: AKA Medical Murphys Law
If you’re running around horribly busy, you’re unorganized and need to prioritize, but if you’re not running around horribly busy, you’re lazy and need to find more work to do.
🗸 When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
🗸 Realizing the patient you’ve just injected has a serious infection causes you to stab yourself with the used needle.
🗸 A 500-pound patient needs all care, while your 80-pound patient needs a finger dressing … and your colleague has a “bad back.”
🗸It’s your first night shift in three years. And it’s a full moon.
🗸 In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.
🗸The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance from the bedside.
🗸As soon as you finish a thirty-minute dressing the doctor will come in and take a look at the wound.
🗸 The disoriented patient always comes from a Nursing Home whose beautiful paperwork has no phone number on it.
🗸 Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated with bodily fluids.
🗸 The patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5 minutes before shift change.
🗸The patient furthest away from the nurses’ station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses’ station.
🗸 The doctor with the worst handwriting and the most original use of the English Language will be responsible for your most critical patient.
🗸 You always remember “just one more thing” you need after you’ve gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.
🗸 The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.
🗸When you cancel extra staff because it’s so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.
🗸 If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on.
🗸 Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand-new shoes.
🗸 Staffing will gladly send you three aides–but you have to float two of your RNs.
🗸 As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.
🗸 Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you’ve had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed.
🗸 You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end …
🗸 Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.
🗸 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
🗸 Ten seconds after you have finished giving a complete bed bath and changing the bed, the patient has a giant code brown.
🗸 If a patient needs four pills, the packet will contain three.
🗸 Your buddies who were reading the paper at the nurses’ desk a minute ago always disappear when you need help …
🗸 Expect to get your pay raise the same day the hospital raises the parking rates (and other charges)
🗸 The better job you do, the more work you can expect to be handed …
🗸 The amount of clean linen available is inversely proportional to your immediate needs.
🗸 The more confused and impulsive a patient is, the less chance there is for a family member or friend to sit with the patient.
🗸 The perfect nurse for the job will apply the day after that post is filled by some semi-qualified idiot.
🗸 If only one solution can be found for a problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
🗸 The first person in line when the clinic opens will not require urgent care. The sickest person will arrive 5 minutes before closing saying: “I thought I’d feel better.”
No one wants to miss the action.
Time to enjoy an other weekend, Cheers, Barry
