Monthly Archives: March 2024

Friday Funny

Have a Happy Easter

INVISIBLE THINGS

At a rock concert

Cheers, Barry

Friday Funny

Gravity Defying

For all the Led Zepplin fans, a cat singing Stairway to Heaven

Friday Funny

Bag with legs???

A funny twist on ventriloquism.

Friday Funny

Some Matchstick Creations

Fun Facts About Australia

Of the 25 of the world’s most poisonous snakes, 21 can be found in Australia.

In 2005, the government issued a ban on saying the word ‘mate’ at Parliament House – the ban lasted 24 hours before it was overturned.

Australia is the only continent in the world without an active volcano.

Wombat poo is cube shaped.

The Gold Coast’s canal system is larger than those of both Venice and Amsterdam combined.

Australia has the world’s largest population of feral camels.

The Nullarbor Plain is home to the longest stretch of straight railroad track in the world, at 478km long.

Platypus are highly poisonous and have enough poison to kill a dog or make a human seriously ill.

The record jump recorded by a kangaroo is a whopping 12.8 metres in a single leap.

The termite mounds that can be found in Australia are the tallest animal-made structures on Earth.

Australia is home to the world’s largest cattle station, which is bigger than the entire country of Israel.

Fraser Island is the world’s largest sand island.

Queensland holds the record for the world’s longest road train, towing 113 trailers at a length of nearly 1.5 klms.

Australia’s Murphy the Donkey is the world’s bravest donkey, having served in the Gallipoli campaign.

Australians enjoy dressing up, holding the individual records for the largest gatherings of people dressed as Marilyn Monroe, Albert Einstein, Harry Potter, nursery rhyme characters, cows and ABBA as well as wearing red noses, high-visibility vests and Akubra-style hats.

The longest recorded journey in an excavator was a distance of over 5,600 km from Brisbane to Canberra.

The Blue Mountains are home to one of the world’s rarest trees, the Wollemi Pine, a species that dates back to the age of the dinosaurs.

The bulldog ant, found in coastal regions in Australia, is the most dangerous ant in the world.

The Kimberley shoreline is home to the world’s largest known dinosaur footprints, the biggest of which is 1.7 metres long.

The oldest message in a bottle washed up on Wedge Island in WA, 131 years after it was thrown overboard.

Thanks Chad

FREE KITTENS

 A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the footpath in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big white cars pulled up beside her. 
 Out of the lead car stepped a chubby smiling man. 
 
“Hi there little girl, I’m Prime Minister Albo. 
 What do you have in that basket?” he asked. 
 
“Kittens,” little Suzy said. 
 
“How old are they?” asked Albo. 
 
Suzy replied, “They’re so young, their eyes aren’t even open yet.” 
 
“And what kind of kittens are they?” 
 
“Labor supporters,” answered Suzy with a smile. 
 
Albo was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens. 
 
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two of them agreed that the Prime Minister should return the next day;
then in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens. 
 
So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the footpath with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,” when another motorcade pulled up,
this time followed by vans from ABC, SBS, Sky News, Channel 7, Channel 9 and Channel 10. 
 
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Albo got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy. 
 
“Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.” 
 
“Yes sir,” Suzy said. “They’re Liberal/National supporters.” 
 
Taken by surprise, the Prime Minister stammered, “But…but…yesterday, you told me they were LABOR SUPPORTERS.” 
 
Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know.
 
But today, they have their eyes open.” 

Have a great weekend, cheers, Barry

Friday Funny #677

Signs

Unusual Problem

Thanks Chad

A Triumph bike rider walked into a chemist shop in Brisbane and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The middle-aged woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist available and that as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there.

She then asked if she could help him. The biker said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional,  and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
 
The biker then agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection.  It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”

 The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.”
 
When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is:
 
1/3 ownership in the shop,
A company car,
Five home-cooked dinners a week,
And $3,000 a month in living expenses.”

Nursing

The Nursing Catch-22:    AKA Medical Murphys Law

If you’re running around horribly busy, you’re unorganized and need to prioritize, but if you’re not running around horribly busy, you’re lazy and need to find more work to do.

🗸 When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.

🗸  Realizing the patient you’ve just injected has a serious infection causes you to stab yourself with the used needle.

🗸 A 500-pound patient needs all care, while your 80-pound patient needs a finger dressing … and your colleague has a “bad back.”

🗸It’s your first night shift in three years. And it’s a full moon.

🗸 In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.

🗸The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance from the bedside.

🗸As soon as you finish a thirty-minute dressing the doctor will come in and take a look at the wound.

🗸 The disoriented patient always comes from a Nursing Home whose beautiful paperwork has no phone number on it.

🗸 Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated with bodily fluids.

🗸 The patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5 minutes before shift change.

🗸The patient furthest away from the nurses’ station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses’ station.

🗸 The doctor with the worst handwriting and the most original use of the English Language will be responsible for your most critical patient.

🗸 You always remember “just one more thing” you need after you’ve gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.

🗸 The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.

🗸When you cancel extra staff because it’s so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.

🗸 If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on.

🗸 Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand-new shoes.

🗸 Staffing will gladly send you three aides–but you have to float two of your RNs.

🗸 As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.

🗸 Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you’ve had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed.

🗸 You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end …

🗸 Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.

🗸 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

🗸 Ten seconds after you have finished giving a complete bed bath and changing the bed, the patient has a giant code brown.

🗸 If a patient needs four pills, the packet will contain three.

🗸 Your buddies who were reading the paper at the nurses’ desk a minute ago always disappear when you need help …

🗸 Expect to get your pay raise the same day the hospital raises the parking rates (and other charges)

🗸 The better job you do, the more work you can expect to be handed …

🗸 The amount of clean linen available is inversely proportional to your immediate needs.

🗸 The more confused and impulsive a patient is, the less chance there is for a family member or friend to sit with the patient.

🗸 The perfect nurse for the job will apply the day after that post is filled by some semi-qualified idiot.

🗸 If only one solution can be found for a problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

🗸 The first person in line when the clinic opens will not require urgent care. The sickest person will arrive 5 minutes before closing saying: “I thought I’d feel better.”

No one wants to miss the action.

Time to enjoy an other weekend, Cheers, Barry